A Commitment to Peace.
I believe that much of the suffering in the world could be reduce if people would simply adhere to what I call, Rules of Engagement – The basics of effective communication.
I have put together the follow list of ways to show up in a conversation that allows for true understanding to occur. Although many of the skills seem obvious, it takes practice and a real commitment to adhere to them.
• See communication as an opportunity and a gift rather than a challenge or threat.
• Communication speeds up when you slow down.
• Don’t interrupt when someone is speaking.
• Don’t criticize, judge or make someone wrong.
• Listen to understand versus reply.
• Maintain good eye contact when possible.
• Be an open and nonjudgmental listener.
• Speak in “I” statements.
• Avoid he said, she said.
• Only share your deepest truth.
• Be able to distinguish facts from judgments, opinions, assumptions and feelings.
• Eliminate gossip.
• Be direct and ask for what you want.
• Practice a high quality of attention when listening.
• Practice self-awareness before speaking.
• If you don’t understand something ask for clarification.
• Acknowledge the speaker.
• Be generous with your listening.
• Let others speak first.
• Set aside preconceived ideas.
• Understand the subject that you are communicating about. Don’t wander off-topic or subject. • Welcome all thoughts, feelings and insights without invalidating.
• Become comfortable with silence and pregnant pauses.
• Ask a well thought out question, wait and listen.
• Go deeper with one question.
• Refrain from interrogating.
• Commit to getting yourself understood to the best of your ability.
• Own your judgments, feelings and reactions as your stuff, don’t make it about someone else.
• Reduce or eliminate self referencing.
• Be present to what’s arising in your own consciousness and communicate that.
• Receive and release another’s communication.
• Avoid trip laying.
• Ask, don’t tell.
• Get permission before offering feedback, coaching or advice.
Please share with friends, family, and co-workers.