If you are not familiar with Google Alerts I would highly recommend checking it out. You can be notified about any information moving around on the web. For example I have Google Alerts set for my name Greg Clowminzer and it tells me if there is anything on the web being posted with my name in it.
I was alerted that a past client of mine was talking about their experience of something we talked about years ago. What I had shared with him was about establishing boundaries and fully communicating what is arising for you in your relation to others. Along with a series of steps to help with the practice of communicating what IS and IS not OK in to say or do in your personal space.
Here is the article Google Alerted me to:
Do You Know How to Keep Your Anger From
Being Destructive in These Four Easy Steps?
By James Oates
This is a short article, with the intention of sharing some information that was taught to me a number of years ago by one of my early mentors, Greg Clowminzer. When I was younger, by a decade or two, my anger was a fairly constant companion, primarily because I would let the anger bottle-up inside until something would happen that would cause the bottle to pop. I did not know how to communicate my displeasure with someone else’s behavior in a compassionate and supportive manner. I was taught this simple process, which will teach others what your boundaries are. This process also presumes that you want to maintain the relationship with the person that you are speaking with. If they do some something that will not allow you to maintain the relationship, then this process is moot.
As I share these steps, it is important to keep in mind, that these steps are not taken in anger. You may be experiencing some anger in the moment, and, it is important to take a breath, and communicate openly and without destructive energy. So, let’s get started…
Step 1 – “I would like to inform you that what you just said (or did) caused me to feel angry.” Sometimes our relationships do not even know that what they just said or did angered you. Be compassionate and let them know by informing them of it. Many times they will let you know that they were not aware that their behavior had that impact on you. Just let them know.
Step 2 – If this person whom you have previously informed about your boundary in step 1, says or does the same thing again, after you have informed them, there is no need to erupt upon them, simply say this…”Do you recall when I informed you that what you were saying (or did) caused me to feel anger? Well, you just did it again. Now I am going to specifically request that you not say (or do) that again when you and I are together.” Now you have informed them in step 1 and requested that they stop in step 2, so you have raised the level of boundary slightly.
Step 3 – If they do the behavior again, you raise the level of boundary a bit more by saying, “Do you recall that I have informed you that when you say (or do) what you just said (or did), that it causes me to feel anger? Do you also recall that I requested that you not do that behavior when we are together? Well, now, since you are continuing to violate that boundary, I am demanding of you, that if you wish to maintain our relationship, you never say (or do) that behavior again in my presence. If you continue to violate that boundary, I will take action regarding our relationship.”
Step 4 – If they continue to violate this boundary, after you have informed them about it, requested that they stop, demanded that they stop, and then let them know that if they continue to violate it, you will take action regarding your relationship, then you have a choice to make regarding whether you want to maintain this relationship or not.
So, there you have it. This is a simple process to help educate your relationships regarding your boundaries, and, you will ultimately create relationships that respect you and your boundaries. The first time that you use this process with your relationships, you may feel a bit uncomfortable with it. It is a skill set like any other, so with a bit of practice, it will pay dividends.
James Oates III is a former Captain in the United States Marine Corps, an entrepreneur, a Harley rider, and investor, who has a passion for helping people get out of debt. Learn more about James at http://www.FinanciaLiberty.com and http://www.JamesOatesIII.com Save Time; Save Money!
Check out Google Alerts: Click Here